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twisted sister
Sun Nov 2 23:29:13 2003 | Prev | Next

Ok, so not only can they not take it, but I can`t take it any longer either. I seem to keep writing and writing (and lately, I have not been that motivated to write), and the list of topic never seems to go down. I am writing here today because I think that I need a blog entry outside of the list of blog entries I have been writing (for those that dont know, I have been writing blog entries in word for the last several weeks to make up for all the topics that I came up with on vacation. I ended up with over 30 topics, and I have 20 something left I think. I have over 12 pages in word written so far, and have at least that to go probably. I will have to say that I am doing my part though (and so is the media). There are somethings that I am just itching to write about, but for certain reasons, I have already triaged a few topics (that would have made great entries) out of rotation.

For those that are new here, one of the big reasons that I write is that I really dont have anyone to tell some of these things to. My friends get tired of my stories pretty easily (for good reason really, if you look back at some of the things that I have said, who would want to listen to all that?), so I internally triage what I say among others. Here in this forum though no is forced to hear anything. Others can simply read anything, everything, or nothing as they choose. And at the same time, I still get to tell all these things to someone (or no one, which in this context makes no difference to me).

Lately though, there has been much more attention on bloggers though. The attention has slowly increased over the last several years. Now a small blog with low readership written by someone who is not exactly notorious (or sometimes is) can immediately grab headlines from places suchas slashdot, msnbc, news.google.com, the register, etc. Well, thats a scary thought to me, since I dont really want notariety (sp?). I just want my own little corner of the web where those I know and meet can read (or not read) my writings. But most importantly, I just want somewhere that I can write what I want. In the begining it was clear there were boundaries to what I can say here, but I think that these boundaries keep shrinking and shifting on a daily basis. I read others blogs and I hear about known risk, but inside I am not really a big risk taker. I am all about making informed decisions, so I am not a fan of risk. But at the same time, I think that I would rather not go crazy keeping all this stuff bottled up.

...and now for something completely different...

So I am not sure what it is, but lately I have had problems just getting motivated. I have usually found that nothing motivates me better than a deadline. I thrive on situations where things are due in hours, days, etc. But in several areas of my life I find myself in situations where I just have to plan the right things to do for the prescribed time rather than just get everything done at the last moment. This is really tough for me. I have lived my whole life working before a deadline, but now there are others looking to me and in fact my own expectations of myself demand performance and effeciency at all times. This is constantly a challenge for me.

I have been trying to get my place cleaned up so that I can finally invite friends over to celebrate. Its coming up on a year since I bought it now....yeah, I know, its been a while. But I am so tired, its hard to feel motivated to spend all my time outside of work cleaning (and I spend a lot of time at work, so my time off is rather precious). At least I have only been working 5 day weeks lately (although its been very tempting to go in on a Sunday night now and then). I think it also may have to do with me trying to cut back on caffiene as well. For the last month or so, I have been slowly cutting back the ammount of Dr. Pepper that I have. Back when I was in school, I would go through about a case a week of dr. p, plus since I would get free drinks at the pub, I could get as much as I wanted there too. Then after graduating, I get all that I want for free again, which means that at times I would go through 6-7 a day. Then I realized how bad that was and how bad my teeth were getting. Now, I have a coffee in the morning, and "maybe" one Dr. pepper every now and then. Although last night at dinner, I was craving it so badly, I decided to cave in and order one....and get 4 or so refils....but thats ok I guess. I think I can handle a few every now and then. I just stick to 1 coffee, OJ, and water at work now. So that, combined with the fact that the whole travel around the world thing, the time changing, the ammount of daylight changing, the fact that my back and my bed have been in a battle for the last few weeks, and the fact that there really has not been much going on lately has just really put a cramp on my motivation I think. Not sure, but that was a lot of evidence. Oh yeah...plus its REALLY COLD, and since I live on a lake, the moisture and wind make it colder here than else where nearby.

Well, I think thats enough for now. Enough to get whats been on my mind today off it. Still more to come about the trip. I think that I am going to change the soundtrack once again though to the recent slideshow since I have found two new favorite songs that I enjoy. I will send out an update when its ready. I should have the geneva pics on my website tonight though.

J.P.

Posted by: j.p.





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